Surface of Memories
by tashaxxx
Summary: Past memories threaten to consume a member of the team Chapter 11 up now
1. Chapter 1

"Haven't you ever wondered what Face is hiding?" Amy asked, sitting in Face's usually occupied seat.

She and Face had had an argument just after they'd finished their last job. Amy had never seen Face as angry as he had when she broached this same subject with the con man. Usually she appreciated Face's elusiveness. It was a challenge the reporter.

"We all have at some point." Hannibal confirmed.

"Facey doesn't like us prying to much though Chiquita. Prefers to keep something's secret." Murdock smiled comfortingly at her. He knew she must feel confused at the outburst Face had given her. Honestly, Face was probably over reacting it wasn't like Amy was asking anything too personal. Just about his childhood.

"What did ya' say to 'him anyway?" BA asked her. Amy flushed slightly.

"I told him I went to talk to Father Maghil." Hannibal frowned at this.

"And what did he say?" Amy looked down at her feet again.

"He told me that Face came to the orphanage when he was 6 and…"

"And…" Murdock prompted, curious to hear what the priest had said. Hannibal was curious to but at the same time a bit apprehensive.

They'd all wondered and on more than a few occasions Hannibal had considered just asking Father Maghil. Come on, the priest had raised Face but actually asking him. It was an invasion of the kid's privacy. One that Face wouldn't appreciate in the slightest. At least that explained why Face was so angry.

"He said…well he said that Face had spent a year in a physciatric ward before he came to the orphanage." That was news to them all. They'd always assumed Face had come to the orphanage when he was 5 but Face never did talk about it.

"Think we should ask 'im Hannibal." BA grunted. The big guy had a blank expression on his face but his eyes told Hannibal that he was as confused as the rest of them. Confused and curious.

"That's probably not a good idea, BA." Hannibal knew exactly what Face would say to them if he found at they knew.

"But Hannibal, he should explain…" Amy didn't have a chance to finish as Murdock cut in.

"If Faceman was gonna tell us he'd have already told us." BA nodded his agreement along with Hannibal.

"Face has always been private 'bout his childhood, Amy. Means he ain't gonna offer any explanation up."

"Anyway, if we said anything it's not likely Face will forgive us easily." Hannibal added onto BA's statement. "We should just drop it. As long as the past doesn't affect the future there's no need for us to know." Amy looked about ready to protest but a look from Murdock shut her up. She was just too curious for her own good.

The drive was silent after that. BA had already dropped Face off at his hotel room and was taking the rest of them back to their apartments and Murdock back at the VA.

All of them were thinking along the same lines though. What had happened to cause Face to end up in a physciatric ward?

**LINE BREAK**

Face was fuming. Hell he was more than fuming. It was his private life; he didn't go digging into her life. Why did she have to go to Father Maghil? It didn't matter why no though. Not now she knew because she'd tell the rest of the team. They'd all know.

That period in his life was in the past. It was a time that Face didn't want to talk about. It was none of their damned business. Hell, Face didn't even think about it anymore. Really, he'd had enough to think about since joining the war. His childhood was just something he had pushed to the back of his mind. A place where he didn't go near. It was where everything horrible that had happened to him went. There so he couldn't think about it.

But now he was. Two words. That's all it took to bring back the memories. Two words. Collapsing onto the bed, Face closed his eyes trying to shove the memories back. The pain. The dark. The people. Their faces where as clear as if he was there now. No. Face wouldn't allow himself to think of it.

No, Face needed to keep a level head. There was no way he was about to let any of them know the truth. They could ask their questions all they wanted but Face wasn't about to let them know. He'd shrug them off like he so often did when asked about his childhood. All he had to do was lock the memories away again.

The phone ringing made Face jump a mile. Taking a calming breathe Face picked the phone up.

"You alright Face?" It was Hannibal. Amy had told them.

"Amy tell you." It was more statement that question.

"Look, kid…we aren't going to force you to tell us anything but…"

"Good because I'm not about to tell you anything." Face's voice was harsher than he had wanted it to be but the fact remained. It was his past not theirs. And it was private.

"If you do though we're here." Face sighed.

"I've dealt with it for this long so I don't need to talk about it. Now is that it Hannibal?" He could hear Hannibal sighing on the other end of the phone but didn't comment.

"Call in's the usual time and Amy didn't mean to offend you."

"I know." Face said before hanging the phone up. He really didn't want to talk about this. Didn't even want to think about it.

That night Face fell into a restless sleep. It was dark. So dark and there were people staring at him. Wearing white coats, muttering in low voices. He couldn't move. They were injecting something into his arm. Fighting against the oncoming blackness, Face saw the scene change before his eyes.

A woman was walking away. Face could see her. He knew her face, knew who she was but he couldn't do anything. He couldn't move. Everything was screaming at him to follow the woman but he couldn't make his legs work.

Eyes opening, Face sat up in bed, breathing heavily. The memories kept playing over and over in his head. Everything. Over and over again. Hot tears were building in his eyes but Face wasn't about to let them fall. It was just a dream. Just a dream.

But it wasn't. Once that had been his life. That had happened. That and worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapters more of a filler before the main events. Hope you enjoy it :)**

**2 Weeks Later**

"So you want us to take another charity case?" Face asked, not all that impressed. He hadn't been sleeping well. Not since the memories had started to resurface. At first Face had tried to take sleeping pills but they were worse. They kept him under in his nightmares.

"We're helping these people." BA stated. He'd noticed Face had been a lot irritable than usual. Hadn't even went along with the crazy fool. Maybe it was something to do with what Amy had told them.

"Come on. It'll be…"

"What a piece of cake?" Hannibal could hear the sarcasm running thick in Face's voice. Ever since Amy and Face had had that argument Face had been short with them. Hannibal knew something was wrong but he wasn't sure how to get Face to talk without pushing Face away too much.

"What's wrong Face?" Amy asked exasperatedly. Face hadn't talked to her since their argument. Hadn't even apologised. She'd wanted to confront him but Murdock hadn't let her. Said he needed time but every instinct in Amy was telling her to push Face further. She wanted to know, her reporters instincts wanted her questions asked. But she held out if only for Face's sake.

"Nothing, it's just every time Hannibal says that it never is simple." Murdock knew what Face was trying to do. Try and make it seem like a joke and they wouldn't notice. But he did. Something was wrong and Murdock was determined to find out what.

Amy sent a frown at Face, who in return sent her one of his charming smiles. "When are we meeting the client then?"

"She should be here in…5 minutes." Hannibal grinned at them as they sighed collectively.

Face went to stand in the corner with Amy, Murdock and BA going to the other side of the warehouse. Hannibal pulled out a fake moustache and wig before he sat on a box.

The woman who opened the door looked to be around 40, with greying brown hair and little wrinkles around her face. She walked straight up to Hannibal with a serious face. Even her clothes looked serious.

"Are you the A-team?" Her voice held a tone that went straight to the point.

"Who is this A-team?" Hannibal asked, earning a disapproved frown from the woman.

"I do not have the time for this. The physciatric ward I work in is under threat and I must help. If you are not the A-team then tell me where I can find them." Hannibal frowned as he took the fake wig and moustache off.

"Miss Kurtis, I'm sorry for the run around but it was necessary." Face felt a tug on his arm. Looking at Amy Face shook his head to clear it. A sudden flash of memories had come to him but he wasn't about to let them get in the way. Smiling at Amy, Face followed her to stand next to Hannibal.

"Why don't you explain what's happening?" Hannibal asked, looking straight at the woman.

She looked at each of them, scrutinising them Face thought from the look of her. He wanted to shift under the gaze, reminding him too much of the gazes the nurses at the ward used to give him. Instead though he pulled his charming smile on her, earning him a disapproving gaze that made Face smile. Too many times had he seen that look on the Sister's at the orphanage to be effected by it.

"Well, as I told Mr Lee the physciatric ward I work on has come under threat. There have been a few incidents, ever since a new Doctor came in. He…well his methods are somewhat unorthodox."

"Unorthodox how?" Amy asked.

"That doesn't matter."

"How are we meant to do the job if you don't give us the facts?" Face didn't need the facts though. He had a feeling he knew what she was talking about.

"I'm sorry but I don't believe you would understand them. All I'm asking is that you help the people there."

"And what is it you want us to do exactly?" Miss Kurtis looked at Hannibal dumbfounded.

"Isn't it obvious? I want you to get rid of him. Get incriminating evidence against him or something. Just stop him from hurting my patients." It was obvious that the woman was passionate about her job, a good thing to.

"Why not go to the police then?" Murdock asked, stroking the air where Billy was.

"Are you from a physciatric ward, Mr?"

"Murdock ma'am and yes."

"The you'll understand. People who are…"

"Crazy fools." BA cut in, earning another disapproving look from Miss Kurtis. The woman seemed to have mastered that look profoundly.

"Different. They don't have a lot of rights and no one seems to care about them. But they do need to be cared about. Will you help them?" Hannibal looked to be thinking it through.

"Do you have enough money?"

"Not all of it but I can…"

"Raise the rest." Miss Kurtis glared at Face for cutting in on her.

"They need your help." Hannibal nodded.

"If we're all in agreement." The team nodded their heads. "Well Miss Kurtis you've just hired the A-team."

As soon as Miss Kurtis left the warehouse, Hannibal looked around at Face expectantly. Usually Face would complain about the need for a charity case but Face wasn't really in it today. Instead he shrugged as answer to Hannibal's questioning frown. He was tired. Tired and dreading this new case. What she had said had brought up thoughts that he had only just started to bury back down.

From the looks the others where sharing Face knew they were considering how to proceed. They all knew that Face had been in a physciatric ward and it wasn't hard to guess something had happened. The question was what and how would it affect the mission.

"Face if you…" Hannibal started, a hint of concern in his voice.

"I'm fine." Murdock and BA frowned disapprovingly at Face, while Hannibal only shook his head in exasperation and Amy looked at him with curiosity in her eyes. "Just leave it."

Hannibal looked carefully at his second in command. There was a hint of pleading in Face's voice and a hint of emotion clear in those blue eyes of his. Usually he could keep the emotions down but not now. Something was wrong. Hannibal had known it ever since the phone call he and Face had had 2 weeks previously. Black circles ringed the younger man's eyes, showing he hadn't had a good night sleep in a while.

"We'll stay at mine tonight then head off first thing tomorrow. We could all do with some rest." Hannibal aimed this last statement at Face directly.

No one said anything against ending the night at Hannibal's. They all seen the way Face looked. He hid it well but they knew.


	3. Chapter 3

Murdock woke up to the sound of Face saying: "No no no no." He was tossing and turning in the covers, obviously in the toll of a nightmare.

"Face?" Murdock gently shook the younger man, making him start and sit up in the bed. The usual tidy blonde hair was sticking out and wet with sweat. When Face realised where he was he closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Don't worry 'bout me Murdock." Face mumbled, sinking back onto the bed and throwing the covers over his head.

"What was your nightmare about, Facey?" Murdock voice was filled with concern, making Face feel guilty. He hadn't meant to wake up Murdock. Hadn't meant to worry him but he could hardly stop the nightmares. The only way was not to sleep.

When Face didn't answer, Murdock answered his own question. "Was it when you were a kid?"

"Yeah." Face's voice was so low Murdock would have missed it if he wasn't listening for it. They sat in silence for a time, neither wanting to fall asleep again. Murdock worried about Face being left to his own thoughts and Face to scared of the nightmares that would surely return if he fell asleep.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No." Face snapped, instantly regretting it. "Sorry…It's just not something I want to talk about."

"That's alright Faceman. You wanna here a story." Murdock was obviously trying to make Face feel better but Face didn't want Murdock to worry.

"No thanks Murdock. Get some sleep."

"Only if you do." Murdock grinned.

"I can't." Face didn't realise he'd said it even though Murdock had heard it loud and clear. "Night Murdock."

"Night Face." Murdock mumbled, closing his eyes. He couldn't sleep though.

For the rest of the night, Murdock lay in bed listening to Face's even breathes and the occasional mutterings from his friend. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

**Next Morning**

"Have a good night?" Hannibal asked as Murdock and Face walked into the kitchen, knowing before they answered that they hadn't. Murdock was putting a good show of his usual happy attitude but the way his shoulders where slumped forwards told Hannibal something was bothering Murdock. Face was about the same but he hid it better. If not for the way Face's eyes kept darting back and forth or the paleness in Face's face Hannibal would have presumed he was fine.

In answer, face shrugged and Murdock shook his head. Hannibal made a mental note to talk to Murdock later, somewhere where face couldn't listen in.

"Vans ready." BA stated as he entered through the front door.

"Good, Face go and help Amy get the supplies in the van." Face frowned, knowing full well what Hannibal was planning. Problem was he also knew he couldn't do anything about it. Amy sent Hannibal a look to, telling him she wasn't impressed about being left out of things.

"So what happened?" Hannibal asked as soon as the door closed behind Face and Amy.

"I don't know." Murdock frustratingly told them

"That don't make no sense fool." Hannibal couldn't help but agree with BA.

"He had a nightmare or something. Kept talking in his sleep but wouldn't say anything. When I asked he told me to leave it alone."

"Is anything to do with when he was a kid?" Murdock nodded as answer.

"Maybe this job ain't good for Faceman." BA stated what was on everyone's mind.

"We can't just drop the case though and Face wouldn't let us leave him behind." Murdock argued, earning him a glare from BA.

"Murdock's right, BA. We just need to keep an eye on him." Hannibal sighed frustrated. Nothing was ever easy when it came to Face.

**In the van…**

"I'm sorry." Face stated when they finished putting the equipment in the van. He was frustrated that Murdock was telling Hannibal and BA what had happened but at the same time he was glad he had a chance to talk to Amy alone. Face felt guilty about shouting at her, not that he hadn't had a good reason for it.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have gone to Father Maghil." Amy felt guilty about that, realising that that was probably the worst thing she could have done.

"No you shouldn't." Face muttered.

"Hey!" Amy shouted, angry at what Face had said.

"Sorry." Face muttered again. When he was tired he had the tendency to talk before thinking. It never boded well, especially when the con man just wanted everyone to see he was fine. But the nightmares where stopping him from sleeping. Tired, Face was tripping up more than usual.

"It's fine." Amy knew it wasn't Face; fault. Hell she saw the way he was right now. She would never call Face weak but there was something wrong. She'd never seen Face look like this before and it scared her. "You can talk to me, or the guys if you need it. You know that right?"

"Yeah. But I'm fine." Amy shook her head exasperated.

Before she could say anything, the others came up to the van. As they took their usual places, Amy saw the concerned glances they gave Face. It wasn't as subtle as they would have liked because she saw the spark of anger in Face's eyes. He stayed silent though for whatever reason.

"How long's the ride BA?" She asked, hoping it wouldn't be too long. She didn't think they'd be able to survive a full car ride like this. At least not with Face in this mood.

"Couple o' hours."

"Good, means I can get some sleep, Billy kept me up all night last night." Face looked down at his feet, guiltily. That was his fault not Billy. "Not that I don't mind." Murdock said, hastily.

"There ain't no dog fool." BA growled but that was the last they heard of the subject. As Murdock settled down in his seat and fell asleep, Hannibal looked at Face though the mirror. He didn't say anything though. Good. Face didn't think he could handle the older man's questions.

Silence filled the van as they drove through open country. Face rested his head on the back of the vans not daring to close his eyes. Yes, he was tired but he didn't want anyone to see the nightmares. When they stopped he'd scam them a place to stay where he could have a room to himself. That way he wouldn't have to worry about waking anyone with the nightmares.

Eventually, the van pulled up outside a dusty old village. Getting out of the car, Face noticed it looked to be the typical run down village with half the shops closed down and the houses in either a state of repair or needing one.

"The physciatric ward's about 5 miles up the road and there's a motel near here. I'll book us a room and we'll run through the plan."

It turned out Hannibal booked them 3 rooms, so Amy got her own BA and Murdock shared and he and Hannibal had to share. Usually Face shared with Murdock, in an effort to keep BA from getting too angry at Murdock craziness but this time Hannibal wanted to room with him. Face had a feeling he knew why and wasn't happy about it in the slightest.

Amy went to buy food with Murdock, leaving Face to help Hannibal iron out the kinks in the plan. By the time they came back with burgers the plan was set. Tomorrow they would go in and if everything went according to plan, not that it ever did, they'd be done by the end of the week.

Knowing he'd need some sleep before the next day, Face took a sleeping pill, hoping it would keep him under for the night. Hannibal saw him take it but didn't say anything; hopefully he wouldn't here the nightmares. If there was any and Face desperately hoped there would be that night.

He was wrong of course. That night the nightmares cam again and this time he couldn't even wake up to get rid of them.

_Face stood to the side of a room, watching as a small figure was tied down to a bed, wires being attached to him. The little boy was crying, shaking his head. A Doctor just frowned, motioning for a nurse to inject something into the little boy. It wasn't soon until the figure went limp. Face wanted to scream at them to stop but he couldn't move or speak. _

_They attached wires to the little boys figure before the doctor pressed a switch. As the switch was pressed Face felt the same pain the little boy felt. His body jerked. He was on the table unable to move. Hot pain ran through his body. Jerking, Face tried to scream but his head felt woolly. The woolliness feeling did nothing to numb the pain. _

_They were talking but the words fell on deaf ears. Pain. It hurt. Through the pale fog that was filling Face's eyes he saw them press a button. "NO!" He wanted to scream but he couldn't. His mouth just opened and closed like a gaping goldfish. _

_The pain increased. It wouldn't stop. White hot burning like being prodded with a hot poker. Make it stop. Why wouldn't it stop? _

Face woke with a scream forming on his lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**Forgot to say last chapter anything in italics is Face's dreams. Thanks for reading and please review I like to know what people think and I don't mind constructive critism either :D**

Clamping his mouth shut, Face fell backwards onto the bed, feeling hot tears building up as fast as the waves of memories colliding around his head. A dream. It was just a dream. But if it was why had it hurt? A small voice in his head was telling him it was the ghost pain of the memory but Face wasn't listening to it. All he could do was lay there letting the wave of memories come over him. 7

It was the same. Every single one of those memories was the same. They all hurt. Each time something new hurt but it was all the same. Every memory held more and more pain. Face remembered each night, lying awake in bed trying to sleep through the fresh waves of pain the so called 'therapy' had caused him. Remembered waking up some nights crying and screaming. He'd been punished for that. The punishments made by the nurses were more brutal than the therapy caused by the doctors. Hurt. Pain. Why wouldn't the memories stop?

The sound of a door handle brought Face back to the here and now. Taking a large breath of air, Face closed his eyes and desperately tried to keep his breathing even. It didn't fool whoever was standing by his bed though because he didn't move.

"You alright kid?" It was Hannibal. That was good. Grasp onto Hannibal's voice. That'll keep the memories at bay. For now at least. "Kid?" Face realised he wasn't answering.

Opening his mouth to answer, Face felt a bubble of emotion well up in his throat. "m' fine." Face managed to get out before turning his body away from the Colonel. He heard a sigh from behind him.

"No you aren't kid. What's wrong?" The bed dipped down as Hannibal sat on it. A comforting hand was placed on face's shoulder, only making him flinch away. The memories where too raw. He couldn't bear to think of them but he couldn't stop. They just kept rushing forwards.

Face clenched his teeth, stopping himself from telling Hannibal. It was his problem. He could deal with t. Would deal with it. Hannibal didn't need to worry. "Go 'way." Face mumbled.

Thinking Hannibal had gone when he felt the dip of the bed disappear, Face let a few of the tears that where building in his eyes fall. "I'm doing this for your own good Face." Hannibal's words fell on deaf ears as another memory gripped Face. Before Face could protest Hannibal stuck him with a needle, knocking him unconscious. Unbeknownst to the colonel, the memory Face had been thinking of was worse than that of the nightmares and Hannibal had just thrown Face into it, with no ways of waking up.

Hannibal sat on the bed, sighing heavily. Face was still in the bed but his face would have told a different story. He hadn't seen Face like this since after the POW camps, whatever was on Face's mind needed sorted. But how could he sort it when Face wouldn't even tell him what was wrong.

Hesitantly, Hannibal looked back at the younger man before leaving the rom to get the others. He knew Face would be mad when he woke up but they needed to be there. Face wouldn't talk to him on his own but there was no way he'd ignore all of them together.

"What's up Colonel?" Murdock asked as soon as he opened the door. "Is it Face?" Hannibal nodded. Murdock took on an oddly serious look before nodding. "I'll go sit with him."

Hannibal nodded gratefully at the Captain. BA had already woken up and was pulling on his shoes. "What's happened?"

"I don't know but we're going to get to the bottom of it." Hannibal stated, leaving the room to get Amy. Even though Amy hadn't known them as long as they'd known each other she was still apart of the team. Anyway, they were going to need all the help they could get if they were going to get Face to talk.

"Guessing we're holding off on the plan." Amy stated as she and Hannibal walked back.

"Yeah. At least until we find out what's wrong with Face." Amy looked at him with a sad look.

"It's my fault Face is like this. I should never have mentioned it." Hannibal shook his head.

"Don't blame yourself kid. Face needs you as much as he needs the rest of the team."

They found Murdock sat on the edge of the bed, watching Face as he started to toss and turn. "You shouldn't have given him BA's night night juice." Murdock's tone was accusing.

"Fools right Hannibal." BA growled. Hannibal nodded his agreement. He didn't know why he'd done it. Maybe it had something to with the way Face had started to toss and turn like he was in the grips of a memory.

Murdock took one look at Hannibal's guilty face and instantly regretted feeling angry towards the Colonel. Hannibal wasn't to know what would happen. "It's not your fault Hannibal."

"How's he doing?" Hannibal's asked, sitting next to Murdock on the bed. The pilot was busy muttering soft words to Face that might calm him down. It didn't seem to be doing much good.

"Not good Hannibal. He don't look good at all." BA sounded concerned. Hell he was concerned. Concerned and angry. His lil' brother was hurting but it wasn't anything he could help with. It was in his mind. Just like the crazy fools crazy. In his mind.

Amy looked about ready to cry but she wouldn't let herself lose control. Face needed her. Hannibal had said as much. "Is there anything we can do?" Hannibal shook his head in reply.

"We've just got to wait until he wakes up. Hopefully he'll let us help him." Hannibal stated.

"If the fool don't let us help him then he's got me to answer to." BA growled. But that was easier said than done they all knew how Face was when it came to getting help. Sure he could moan about miniscule things but when it mattered Face wouldn't say a word. He'd deal with it himself.

**Face's POV **

"_I'm sorry." A young Face stood looking up at the woman with sad eyes. He was sorry so sorry. He hadn't meant to do it. It was just instinct. Face hadn't wanted to be hit again. It hurt. _

"_You stupid little boy. Do you not want me to be happy!" His mother screamed at him, making tears form in his eyes. "Don't cry. Hell Don't even speak. I don't want you getting in the way anymore!" She yelled. _

"_I'm sorry." The 4 year old mumbled. _

"_Don't say it again!" The woman screeched at her son. Face felt the tears fall down his face, making the woman even angrier. She smacked him on the ear, causing the little boy to cry more and more. The sobs violently racked his body. It hurt. Why wouldn't she just stop it? Stop it! Stop it!" She kept repeating it. _

_After every hit the woman would say it until the boy was silent. Tears still fell down his cheeks but he didn't say anything. Didn't want to say anything. If he made a sound his Mummy would hit him again. And when it wasn't his mummy then it was one of the men she brought home. All the time. It hurt all the time. Why wouldn't they stop? But Face wouldn't ask them to. The little boy just took it in silence. _

"He's coming round." Face heard Murdock say happily. When did Murdock get here? Everything was foggy. Why was it all so foggy?

Trying to sit up, Face fell back on the bed with a groan. The world was spinning. "Just relax Faceman." BA was there to. Someone was holding him down, gently.

"What happened?" Face asked. The world was getting clearer now and he could see the concerned look that passed between Hannibal and BA. Murdock was sat watching Face with sad brown eyes. Amy was there too, standing just at the back of the group, tars clear in her eyes.

"You don't remember." The last thing Face remembered was his mother. But that was a dream. A memory in his head. Shaking his head to clear it a sudden thought passed through his head.

"You drugged me didn't you?" Face asked accusingly. Hannibal had the decency to look guilty. "Why the hell did you do that?" Face's voice was oddly calm. A contrast to what he was really feeling. He wondered why he sounded so calm when he was furious at them.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time." Face laughed. A harsh sounding laugh.

"A good idea. A good idea. Why the hell do you think it was a good idea?" The anger was leaking through into Face's voice now.

"It wasn't Hannibal's fault, Face." Murdock tried to put a comforting hand on Face shoulder but he shrugged it off. Lifting himself off of the bed, Face glared at his CO.

"Well. Why the hell did you drug me?"

"Kid, you were completely out of it. What else was I supposed to do?" That stumped Face. Drugs. That's what they'd used in the… no he wouldn't. He wouldn't let himself think of that. Not again. Not in front of the team. He couldn't let himself lose control.

"Face are you alright?" Murdock asked him, gently sitting him back on the bed. No. Face wasn't alright. Shaking his head, Face closed his eyes. The memories wouldn't go away. They'd been locked away for so long. Locked and forgotten about. Now they were out though. And Face didn't think he'd be able to lock them away again.

"No Murdock. No I'm not alright."


	5. Chapter 5

"What are we gonna do Hannibal?" Amy asked. Murdock was sitting with Face, trying to keep him calm through the nightmares that kept coming on.

Hannibal looked ahead, smoking on his cigar. He needed a plan. But what. Face didn't break down. It just wasn't something any of them where used to. But it had happened and Hannibal needed a plan. "Do you think you can find out some information for us? If we know what's wrong we can help more."

"Yeah, Father Maghil gave me the name of the physciatric ward. I'll call the paper." Hannibal nodded his agreement as Amy walked off to the van to make her phone calls.

"What we gonna do 'bout this case, Hannibal?" BA asked him.

"We're going to have to cancel." BA frowned.

"Face ain't gonna like that."

Hannibal shrugged. "Better go and tell him then."

They entered the room, where Murdock and Face were talking. Well, Murdock was talking and Face was apparently listening intently.

"How 'bout a cat?" Murdock asked happily, making face laugh.

"Wouldn't Billy scare it off?" Murdock shook his head, seriously.

"No, Billy likes cats."

"There ain't no dog fool. Ain't no cats either." BA growled as he entered the room. Hannibal couldn't help the small smile that came to his lips.

"Billy lonely Captain?" Murdock nodded his head.

"Don't encourage the fool Hannibal." BA said angrily. This was something he could handle. BA and Murdock arguing about Murdock's craziness were manageable but Face's problems never seemed to be. Probably because the kid would never let any of them help.

Bracing himself for the inevitable outburst Hannibal talked directly at Face. "We're cancelling the job." It seemed to take the younger man a moment to register what Hannibal had said but when he did an annoyed frown came over his face.

"No." Hannibal sighed in annoyance.

"Kid, you aren't in any state to help anyone."

"I know that." Hannibal opened his mouth to say something else but Face put up his hand to stop him. "Look, Hannibal those people need our help. We can't just forget about them because…" Face let himself trail off. Because of what? Because of him. Yeah that was right but what was wrong with him? Was he going crazy like Murdock?

Hannibal looked at Face for a moment, considering what Face was saying. He had a feeling he knew why Face wanted to help those people. "What happened Face?"

There was no need to specify what Hannibal meant. Murdock and BA stood silently, waiting for Face to answer. "Doesn't matter." Face shook his head.

Memories could do more harm than a bullet, it seemed to BA. The big guy had seen Face take a beating but he'd always bounced back. They weren't memories though. Memories hurt. "How we supposed to help you if you ain't gonna let us?"

"I can deal with it." Murdock shook his head sadly. He'd seen cases in the VA when the patients refused help, not even talk to the doctors there. Talking helped though. Dr Ritcher always said it did whenever Murdock didn't want to talk.

"Talking about it always helps me Faceyman." Murdock's voice was comforting but that wasn't what Face wanted to hear. When he was a kid the doctors always told him to talk about what happened but he never had. Hell, he hadn't talked for a year. Even when he had started talking he'd never talked about what had happened. There was no way he was going to start now.

"You'll help them." Hannibal nodded. Good. Face didn't want anyone else suffering what he had when he was a kid. No one deserved that. He was just thankful Murdock's doctors at the VA didn't believe in those techniques.

"Just talk to us Face." Hannibal said, looking straight at the younger man, getting only a small shake if his head. Face's shoulders were slightly slumped but he did hold a smile on his face. Kid was always trying to keep the mask up. That smile was the conman's smile. It was a smile that didn't reach the eyes. No, the eyes held sorrow, guilt and all the other emotions Face was keeping bottled up.

The sound of the door opening and Amy entering made Hannibal snap out of his thoughts. "Right, we'll have to think of a new plan but I want someone to stay here with Face." Face looked ready to protest but Hannibal gave him a cool level look. "No buts Lieutenant."

"Hannibal I don't need a babysitter." Face met Hannibal's cool gaze.

"Hannibal, can we talk?" Amy gently shook the Colonels arm.

"Someone's staying with you Face." Hannibal stated once again before leaving the room before Face could argue further.

Entering the room next door, Hannibal gave Amy a level look. "What did you find out?"

"It's not good Hannibal."

"I didn't think it would be." None of them had, not after seeing the way Face had been acting.

"The hospital Face was at was shut down about a year after Face left it. They…they used methods…horrible things…" Amy closed her eyes, not believing what she'd been told. Face had been 5 when he'd gone there. 1 year there would mess anyone up, let alone a 5 year old.

"We need to know the facts, kid." Hannibal gave Amy a comforting smile.

Amy smiled back and continued to talk. "The doctors there believed in…well my contact called them medieval methods."

"Like…" Hannibal prompted. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know but how else was he going to help Face. Hell, the kid wasn't exactly going to offer the information up freely.

"Electrocution. Beatings. Drugs. They…one of the doctors there…apparently he…he tested drugs on the kids…the kids that were Face's age. Hannibal some died." Amy's voice was thick with emotion. Face had been involved in that. She couldn't help but admire Face though. If she'd gone through that she didn't think she'd have been able to stay sane. But face had.

Hannibal took a moment to think about what Amy had said. "What about Face?"

"My contact said that they did it to all of the kids especially the ones…well the ones who wouldn't cooperate. It was worse for them. He managed to find Face's file…and well…"

"He wouldn't cooperate. Kids stubborn to a fault, always has been." Hannibal considered what Amy had said for a moment. When would someone give the kid a break?

"There's something else Hannibal." Hannibal waited expectantly for Amy to continue. "Well, the head doctor, a Doctor Criss, he was the head Doctor in the physciatric ward. He was the one responsible for everything that went on there. And when the place got shut down…he was arrested but there wasn't sufficient evidence. The point is he's still working as a physciatric doctor. Hannibal, he's the one running the place our client wants us to help."


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING: Implied mention of molesting of young child. NOT descriptive, barely mentioned. **

Face had had enough. He was sick of them babying him. Why couldn't they just leave it alone? Face had no delusions about what Amy had wanted to tell Hannibal and it was about damned time that he told Hannibal to keep out of his business. That part of his life was private for a reason. There was a reason he hadn't let that part of his file go to the army. Altered it to stop people from judging him and here the team where doing just that. Events that had happened when he was 5 where effecting the way the team saw him. No more.

"That ain't a good idea muchcho." Murdock said, grabbing Face to stop him from going out of the room.

"We're only trying to help." BA said, blocking the exit out of the room.

"Get out of the way BA and let go of me Murdock. I am fine. It's my private life. It's none of your damned business and I am sick of being treated like a kid. It happened so what because I have dealt with it and I sure as hell do not need you to help me." Face was didn't know why he was so angry but god help him it felt good to let his feelings known for a change.

"Facey." Murdock said pleadingly. At least he released his arm.

"Hannibal's not gonna like this." BA grunted angry at being shouted at but let Face pass through the door.

Face was just about to open the door when he heard it. Heard the words that made him pause with a sick feeling in his stomach. "There's something else Hannibal. Well, the head doctor, a Doctor Criss, he was the head Doctor in the physciatric ward. He was the one responsible for everything that went on there. And when the place got shut down…he was arrested but there wasn't sufficient evidence. The point is he's still working as a physciatric doctor. Hannibal, he's the one running the place our client wants us to help."

Hannibal was saying something but Face didn't hear it. That man couldn't be here. He was meant to be in prison. Face had given evidence against the man on Father Maghil's insistent. They'd said he'd been put in prison.

The first time Face had spoken since he was 4 was to the priest. He'd found the little boy wondering the streets, crying. The father had managed to get the little boy to come to the orphanage. He'd never pushed Face to talk to him, not like the men the doctors had. Face had just been a scared little boy, who'd run away from that place and hadn't eaten in days. The father had given him a place to stay, food to eat and had given him new clothes. When the doctors finally managed to track the run-away child down, Face had begged Father Maghil not to let them take him away again. The Father had asked why and Face had told him. Told him everything that had happened there to him and all of the others staying there. Father Maghil had promised not to let him go back there and he'd kept that promise. But he'd said Doctor Criss had been arrested. He'd lied about that. He was here.

Face stood frozen where he stood, forgetting his previous anger at the team. All of the things that man had done to him were spinning around in Face's head. It wasn't possible that the same man was here. He couldn't be. Maybe Amy got it wrong. She had to have. Face couldn't believe that anyone would let that man be a doctor in another ward.

If they had though. Face knew what Doctor Criss was capable of better than most. He'd always been considered a lost cause in the ward so Doctor Criss had taken it upon himself to make sure that wasn't the case. The man had never liked to lose. They had to get those people out of that ward now.

**LINE BREAK**

"Face can't know." Hannibal stated. The Colonel knew what would happen if Face found out about this. The kid was close to cracking as it was, if he found out the man responsible for what had happened was here…Hannibal didn't want to think how Face might react. On one hand Face would be fine but on the other he might actually crack. Face was already close to cracking and Hannibal had had enough dealings with Murdock to know that one more push could send Face over the edge.

Amy was heading for the door as she heard Hannibal say this. "Hannibal, it might be a bit late for that." Face was standing outside of the door, with a blank look on his face. His eyes though. Those expression filled blue eyes were conveying every feeling Face was feeling right then. Fear. Anger. Everything.

"Face?" Hannibal asked, gently taking Face by the arm and steering him into the room. "Amy, tell Murdock and BA what's happening." Hannibal stated as he closed the door behind him and Face.

Face looked ghostly pale and a bit like he was in a trance. "Talk to me kid." Hannibal gently pressed, dragged a chair to sit in front of the immobilized con man. "Face?"

Nothing seemed to be getting through to Face. The kid was just sat there motionless, staring straight ahead as if he couldn't see anything. "You need to stop him Hannibal." Face's voice was low and full of emotion. "He can't do what he did before."

"What did he do before Face?" Hannibal gently placed a hand on Face's leg, giving him silent comfort.

"I wouldn't talk to them. They wanted me to talk about what happened. I couldn't. She said I couldn't." Face was shaking slightly. Hannibal realised Face didn't even realise he was there. ""He didn't like that. Didn't like that they couldn't fix me…He would…God." Tears were falling now and Face was shaking even more. Talking was making the memories come back up. "They'd give me drugs so I couldn't move. He'd…set up a machine. It hurt…Hurt so much…" Hannibal didn't know what to do so he sat there and carried on listening. "I couldn't talk. I promised I wouldn't." Face's voice was quiet and filled with emotion that was tearing at Hannibal's heart.

"Who said you couldn't talk." Hannibal asked Face gently.

"Mum…She hit me when I talked. Blamed me. She said it was my fault none of them stayed. Told me they didn't like me crying so she said…she said I wasn't allowed to talk. Whenever I did she'd hit me." Face's tears kept coming and the shaking never seemed to stop. "When one of the men came into my room…it was my 5th birthday. He said he wanted to give me a present. I screamed and Mum came. The man was mad, he kept hitting me. Mum was so mad. She wanted me gone then. Grabbed me and put me in the car. She pushed me out of it." Hannibal sat in shocked silence. Face's mother had done that to him.

"They found me afterwards. Asked me questions. I didn't answer. I promised I would talk. She'd hurt me if I did." Hannibal wanted to stop Face from talking. He didn't think he could bear to hear any more but Face didn't stop. Hannibal didn't think he could have even if he wanted to. "They took me to the hospital. They said I'd be safe. They said they'd look after me. The lied. Just like everyone else. They lied and left me." Face's voice faded off.

Hannibal could do nothing but sit and watch Face as the tears feel on the younger man shook. Hannibal felt anger bubble to the surface. That woman was supposed to be Face's mother was meant to look after him but she'd hurt him. Let men do god knows what to a small defenceless child. And the doctors were meant to help Face but they hadn't. They'd hurt him more and more. Hannibal could do nothing but watch Face as he fell apart before the Colonels eyes. It broke his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Murdock was pacing the floor worry etched in his face. "We should go and help."

"No, fool. Hannibal will sort it." BA growled from where he sat.

"Maybe Murdock's right BA. You didn't see Face when he heard. I've never seen him look like that before." Amy was as worried as Murdock.

"Give 'em time. Hannibal will find out what's wrong."

"We know what's wrong that…that bastard hurt him." Murdock was wringing his hands together. Amy had told the two of them what she'd told Hannibal and it was obvious Murdock wasn't taking it too well. "How could anyone do that to a child?"

"Shut up crazy fool. We don't need to look after you as well as Faceman." BA sent Murdock a warning glance.

"BA's right Murdock. We need to be there for Face." Amy answered. Murdock only shook his head.

"What do ya' think there talkin' bout in there?"

"Hopefully Face is talkin'." BA growled. "Now stop pacin' fool." Murdock abruptly stopped and collapsed on a chair.

It was another hour before Hannibal emerged at the doorway with a solemn look on his face. Murdock jumped up immediately, asking Hannibal, "What did Face say? Is he alright?"

Hannibal sat down on the bed, thinking over what Face had told him. He was angry. Angry as hell. How could anyone do that to an innocent child? "Hannibal?" Amy asked, gently.

"No, Face isn't alright. I don't think he ever was." The whole time Hannibal had known Face the kid had kept up a perfect mask. He'd lied so much that it was hard to tell when the truth came out. Back in nam they'd seen the mask slip but only a little. It'd gone back up as soon as Face could get a handle on his emotions. The kid had learnt at a young age to keep his feelings hidden and no wonder if that's what happened to him. But finally the mask had slipped, and Face was vulnerable.

"Is he gonna get better?" Murdock asked voice full of worry.

"Yeah. Face is strong. He just needs our help."

"We're cancelling this case." BA stated. He didn't want to do this case while Face needed them.

"No. We can't." Hannibal snapped in a tone sharper than he'd meant to, the anger he was feeling bringing itself forwards.

"Hannibal, we get that this guy caused…"

"Face though that bastard was in prison. He wants him there. What Face told me…he deserves prison and I'm not about to let him hurt anyone else." Hannibal cut in.

"What'd he tell you, Hannibal?" Murdock asked, noticing the anger in the Colonels voice. It couldn't have been good whatever it was.

"His mother. His mother caused him to end up in a physciatric ward." Hannibal spat out.

"How could his mother cause that?" BA couldn't believe it. But then how could he when his own mother had always looked after him.

Hannibal looked at the three of them with a feeling of dread in his stomach. Looking at Murdock he seriously doubted the crazy captain could deal with what had happened to Face. BA was almost as bad, looking like he wanted to seriously hurt someone and Hannibal knew knowing would just add fuel to his anger. And Amy who'd never been in the camps, never known how cruel the world can be to people and Hannibal was going to tell her that. But he had to. They needed to know everything. So he recounted everything that Face had told him, watching as their faces went from shock, to anger and finally to sadness.

Silence followed, all three eyes looking at Hannibal. Murdock was the first to break the silence. "How? His Mother? Why?" Shaking his head in absolute confusion, Murdock realised that Face was on his own. "I'm gonna…"

"He said he needs to think." Hannibal said, stopping Murdock in his tracks.

"Thinking's just gonna make it worse." Murdock protested.

"I know but…"

"We can't leave him alone. Your orders Colonel." Murdock stated before pushing past Hannibal.

"Face was 5." Amy's voice held disbelievment. Nodding, Hannibal moved over to her side. "How could anyone hurt a 5 year old."

"The world can be cruel to people who don't have anyone to look after them, kid." Hannibal gently wrapped an arm around Amy, trying to give her some sort of comfort.

"His Mother should've looked after 'im." BA's anger was evident in his voice.

"I know."

"We're gonna make that fool Doctor pay, Hannibal." BA growled, clenching his fists as he stood there. Hannibal nodded his head. God help this doctor when the A-team came down on him.

**LINE BREAK**

Murdock walked quietly into the room where Face was. He was sitting down with his face in his hands, silent tears still running down his face. When Face looked up he tried to rub the tears away, not wanting to let Murdock see.

Silently, Murdock sat next to Face. "Hannibal told you didn't he?" Face's voice was faint as if it was an effort to talk.

"Yeah. I'm sorry that happened to you Facey." Murdock softly said.

"Don't be. It wasn't you fault." When Murdock didn't look at him, Face turned to look at his friend. "And don't pity me." His voice was harsher than he'd meant it to be but it got through to Murdock.

"I don't pity you no more than you pity me Faceman." Murdock answered with a crazy voice. Face let out a pained laugh.

"Am I gonna go crazy Murdock?" The fear in Face's voice gave Murdock pause.

"You ain't crazy Face. You just sad. You've been keeping all that to yourself for so long it was bound to come out eventually." Murdock put a comforting arm round Face's shoulder, letting Face lean into him. "You'll be fine but if you ever wanna go to the VA you can always room with me." Face sent a smile at Murdock. One of his real ones, not the con man's smile that was nearly always present.

"Thanks."

"No probs muchacho. I'm here to serve." Murdock joked but Face fixed him with a serious look.

"I'm serious. Thank you for being here. For…for not running out on me."

"no one's running out here Face. We're a team…no were family." When Face sent Murdock a confused glance Murdock continued. "See, Hannibal's the dad who keeps us all in check you know stops us all from killing each other. Me, I'm the crazy Uncle who's always gettin' on everyone's nerves. BA's the older brother cause he's always fixing things, just like older brothers do. Amy's our little sister who we look after and who's always telling us what's what. And you are the little brother cause we're always tryin' to look after ya', not that you need it or anything it's just sorta instinct."

For a while the room was silent as Face considered what Murdock was saying. Yeah, they were kind of like what Murdock had said. "Sometimes I wonder if you really are crazy Murdock." Face wondered aloud.

"I'm as crazy as a bat high on pancakes." Murdock answered seriously. Face only shook his head in answer. "you just remember that we're all here for ya' you got it so no more hidin' anything cause if ya do I ain' gonna hold BA back."

Face laughed a real laugh for once. If the team were there maybe he might be able to get through this. Yeah, maybe he might just be fine after all.

**Next update might be a while from now because I'm a little unsure about how to go about it at the moment but maybe I'll have a brain wave when I try. Please review and hope you enjoyed :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Not sure about the lead up to the ending **

"I'm coming." Face groaned out for again.

"Sorry kid but…"

"I won't, Hannibal I'm coming." The two of them had been having the same argument ever since the last parts of the plan had been set out. Face didn't know what he was going to do when he got there but he was not staying behind. He had to make sure Doctor Criss paid for what he was doing. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea but he wanted to come and hell if Hannibal was stopping him.

Hannibal sighed at Face. He knew bringing Face along was not going to end well. After Face had calmed down he'd started to radiate anger. Sure it was hidden but it was there. And Hannibal wasn't sure he could take the chance of what Face may or may not do. Then again it might not be Face he needed to hold back, BA was angry and Murdock to. They were all angry. Hannibal knew that this might not end well. Something was going to go wrong and not in the usual sense.

"Let 'im come Hannibal." BA said, knowing that whatever Hannibal said wouldn't make a difference. Just like he knew whatever Hannibal or any of these fools said wasn't gonna calm him down. BA was gonna make that sucka pay. No matter the consequences.

Murdock looked at Face, wondering what he was thinking. He'd clammed up more now but Murdock knew he was angry. "We'll make sure he don't do anything stupid, Colonel." Murdock whispered so Face didn't hear them. The question was who was going to stop any of them from doing what Face wanted to do.

Hannibal sighed, smoking the cigar in his mouth. "I know." He replied to Murdock. "We'll stick to the original plan but Face whatever happens I don't want you involved in the fighting." They all knew why, even Face though the scowl would make them beg to differ. Hannibal wasn't too happy about giving the lieutenant a gun to go into that place, especially seeing as he'd be meeting with this Doctor Criss but he couldn't let him go in unarmed.

Pulling Amy aside, Hannibal quietly said "Keep an eye on him and don't let him do anything he'll regret later." In other words don't let him kill the bastard.

Amy nodded her head, looking over at Face. He had a blank expression on his face the emotions where being bottled up again. Face couldn't understand why he'd been so emotional over the last few days but he had and it had caused him to admit things about his past better left unsaid. Now though. Now he was angry even if he kept it hidden under the con man façade it as there. Honestly, he had no idea what he was hoping to accomplice but whatever it was Face seriously doubted Hannibal's ability to stop him, especially after what that man had done to him.

**LINE BREAK**

The plan was simple. It was actually one of Hannibal's better plans, Face thought as he and Amy walked towards the building. If only the job wasn't so personal. "You okay, Face?" Amy asked when Face came to a stop just outside of the door.

The place was so familiar. Same shape. Same grey colour. Same feeling of dread that built up in Face's stomach at the sight of it. "Yeah. I'm fine." Face pulled his mask up. He couldn't freeze now he'd told them he would be fine to do this so he had to be.

Amy didn't believe him for one minute but it was too late. Anyway, Face was a professional he'd be alright. But then Amy had presumed he'd be alright before she'd been wrong then. She only hoped Hannibal's plan worked so they could be in and out quickly. But when did Hannibal's plans work fully.

"Can we help you sir?" A stout woman on reception asked. She was wearing the white scrubs associated with those of a nurse. Face had a sudden thought of one of the nurses from when he was a child. This place. These people. It was like being back in the ward again. They couldn't hurt him now though. Pulling that thought to the forefront of his mind, Face gave the woman his most dazzling smile.

"Yes, my name is Dr Alvin Smith; this is my assistant Miss Amy Allen. We're here to bring you in a new patient. By the name of HM Murdock."

"Oh, I haven't had any paper work." The woman frowned, pulling through papers under her desk.

"They must not have sent the paperwork." Sighing a fake sigh, Face continued. "I've brought him here all this way and they promised me the paper work would be here."

"Well…Dr Criss never turns away the needed. I'm sure we can pull some strings. Where is this HM Murdock?"

Amy answered this time. "He's in the van with two of the orderlies from a different hospital. He's been talking to his feet again."

The woman nodded sympathetically. "These crazy people are terrible people in society."

Face felt a bristle of anger run through him but he pushed his back. He couldn't let his feelings show. "I'm sure."

"I'll take you to Dr Criss and he'll sort out all of the paper work." The woman motioned them to follow her.

They passes locked grey doors, small moans were emitting from certain ones. Crying from others. Then there were the silent ones, the ones where people kept mumbling. The sounds, or lack of, brought Face back to the memories. He'd been locked in room just like those. One small bed with one blanket not even thin enough to keep him warm. There's been a sink and a toilet but nothing more. Just four grey walls to watch. Walls and pain. How could they think Murdock being here was a good plan?

Amy gave Face a reassuring squeeze of the hand, sensing his discomfort. She had known Face was a good con man but she didn't think he'd be able to keep his feelings from showing on his face. He was though.

The door at the end of the hallway had Dr Criss printed on it with golden letters. Face looked at the door, trying desperately to keep the memories down. The woman knocked on the door before opening it.

"This is Doctor Smith. He's here to bring us a new patient." The old man was facing the door, looking directly at Face. He looked exactly the same as he had back then. A little older and greyer but there was still the look in his eyes that suggested he enjoyed creating the pain he did. The way his lips curled upwards in a smirk was the same to.

"So…where is he?"

Face's head cleared as he spoke. "In the van."

"I want to see him."

"Well…"

"How am I supposed to admit him if he isn't here. Go get him."

"Miss Allen." Face turned to Amy and she saw the fear glinting in his eyes. This was a bad idea. She knew she shouldn't leave him alone with this man. But it was too late. The woman had taken her arm and was escorting her out of the room.

When she froze at the door, Dr Criss glared at her with ice cold eyes. "Miss Allen your services are no longer needed. Bring my patient in here and leave." Face gave Amy a small smile, telling her that everything would be alright. If only she believed that then maybe she could go.

"Miss Allen go get Mr Murdock. Me and Doctor Criss will sort the paper work out." Face told her in a calm voice, completely at odds with the glint in his eyes.

They walked through the corridors and back towards the van. The woman said nothing instead motioned for her to open the van doors. When she did Hannibal looked at her in surprise. "We were meant to stay here." Hannibal said in a fake voice. BA had poked his head out of the window and Murdock had a worried expression on his face.

"Dr Criss wants to see Mr Murdock." Amy said, trying to stay in character. It wasn't going to plan. Face wasn't meant to be left alone with that man because they knew something would happen.

"Very well. BA why don't you get Mr Murdock." Hannibal said, following Amy. The woman turned around back to the building with a humph, leaving Amy a moment to fill Hannibal in.

"He alright." Hannibal asked.

"I don't know." Amy replied.

"We need to get 'im outta there." BA said.

"He wouldn't. Would he?" Murdock's worried expression turning to something of fear. Amy looked at them, wondering what they were on about. Wouldn't what?

The receptionist led them back through the corridors towards Dr Criss' room. "So what are the symptoms of Mr Murdock?"

"He's a fool lady. Nout else." BA growled. The woman frowned but said nothing more.

Voices were emitting from Dr Criss' room Raised voices. Opening the door they were met with a sight they had hoped they wouldn't see. Dr Criss was sitting at the table calmly looking at Face. Face who had a gun trained on the doctor with his hand on the trigger.


	9. Chapter 9

**Short but any more might have made it seem odd **

**Let me know what you think **

Doctor Criss motioned for Face to take a seat as Amy and the receptionist left. Face sat down looking at the Doctor, remembering the times he'd sat here when he was a child. "So the paper work."

It took a moment for Face to remember he wasn't in his memories before answering. "Yes, the paper work seems to have been misfiled."

"I doubt at my end but no matter. We always welcome new people." The Doctor smirked.

Face was starting to have serious doubts about this plan. Murdock shouldn't be left alone with this person but Hannibal knew what he was doing. At least he hoped the Colonel did. "What type of treatments will you give him?"

"Well, that depends if he cooperates or not." Cooperation. He'd never done that. That's why he'd done what he had. Memories were flooding back, making it harder and harder for Face to concentrate. He only hoped Amy would be back soon.

"I think you'll find Mr Murdock won't need any of your treatment." Shit. Face didn't slip up. That wasn't him. But he had. The doctor had just rattled him. Everything about this room was too familiar. It was all coming back again. Why did he have to make Hannibal let him come? Why couldn't he have just stayed behind?

Doctor Criss seemed to consider a moment before talking. "What treatments?" When Face didn't answer, the doctor continued. "Did someone tell you?" Dr Criss took on a small smile when he saw the panicked expression flicker across Face's face. "You were one of my patients. Which one? One that caused me trouble most like."

"Shut up." Face could feel his grip on the situation start to slip and it hadn't been secure from the start. Things were escalating quickly now and Face had no idea how he was supposed to handle it. The memories kept comin back. The pain. The hate. The silence. All of it.

"How'd you get out? You don't look that sane." Face shook his head. This wasn't meant to happen. That voice had asked him questions before. Questions all the time. Who was he? Where were his parents? What happened? Why wouldn't he talk? The voices in his head were over powering his thought process. He couldn't take it anymore.

The gun was in his hand before he could completely comprehend what he was doing. The doctor looked at the gun with a small amount of fear in his eyes. Good. Karma that's what this was. He deserved death after what he'd done. Face's finger was on the trigger. He could shoot. The man would die right her right now. So why couldn't he? Even thinking about everything that this man had done to him. Done to other people over and over again. Pain. Hurt. His death would feel good. Yet Face still didn't pull the trigger.

A small voice of reason was hammering at his head. Telling him that he didn't want to do this. Not really. He was a cold blooded murderer. Not even to this bastard. It was a quiet voice but it still gave him pause. Doctor Criss seemed to realise this. He practically latched onto it.

"What would killing me accomplish? Nothing." Face was starting to lower the gun. He couldn't kill him. What would the team think if he pulled the trigger? They'd hate him. He'd hate himself. "Good. I can help you."

"No." Face pulled the gun back on the doctor in panic. Dr Criss didn't seem to realise his mistake. He just kept talking.

"The treatment here helped you once it can help you again." The door was opening from behind Face but he didn't notice.

"You didn't help me."

"Then how did you get out of here?" Face shook his head. He remembered running away. It had been easy. Laughably so. He'd picked the door with a spoon from the food they were given. The spoon had been plastic. Face could remember how it broke in two and a bit of plastic managed to get itself lodged in his hand. After he'd gotten out of the room all Face had to do was climb out of a window. They were tall but a pile of boxes had been there. For a 5 year old the height out of the window had been larger. Climbing it had been easy jumping wasn't. The only reason he'd done it was because he knew it would hurt less than staying. A broken wrist and a hit on the head later and Face had been out of that hell hole. Running away. They hadn't noticed. Face had been sure they'd have followed him but he never saw them. He'd run until Father Maghil had found him. Dirty, hurt, broken. All because of him.

"I ran away." Face whispered, looking to the side he was surprised to see Hannibal, BA, Murdock and Amy standing there. They looked scared.

"Face put the gun down." Murdock.

"You don't wanna do this Face." BA.

"You're not a killer kid. Give us the gun." Hannibal.

"Please Face." Amy.

Looking at the gun, Face let it drop to the floor. Tears where falling down his face. He couldn't think straight. The memories where overwhelming him. Hannibal walked over to pick the gun up. BA and Murdock where holding wither side of Face to keep him from falling. Only Amy saw the Doctor move towards the desk.

"Face, you with us? Facey?" Murdock gently shook Face's shoulder.

"Talk to us, Face." BA's usual gruffness had disappeared.

"Where right here Face." Hannibal's voice desperately trying to hide the emotion.

There words where falling on deaf ears. Face couldn't hear a thing. Everything was blurring together. The past. The present. The voices. Nothing was there. Only the raw emotions Face had felt when he first came to the ward. Fear. Pain. Confused. He wanted help. But he couldn't speak. The words were on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn't talk. Nothing. There was nothing.

"HANNIBAL!" Amy shouted as she saw Dr Criss pull the gun out of the desk. Hannibal turned just in time to see the Doctor pull the gun out of the desk.

The world froze. Nothing. There was nothing. No sound. No vision. Nothing but memories. Then there was sound. Two shots.


	10. Chapter 10

Everything seemed to freeze. Two shots. One dead. Dr Criss fell to the floor, bleeding from a bullet in his head. Hannibal was holding the gun. He'd heard the shout first. Reacted more on instinct than anything else. And now the bastard was dead. So why did he feel so empty. The Doctor deserved it but he couldn't help thinking back to what they'd promised. No more killing. That wasn't who they were. And now someone was dead.

"Murdock?" Face watched at the blood seeped from the Captains shoulder. He had a hand pressed on his shoulder. Hot red blood was coming out.

"You were lucky it went through fool." BA growled, pulling Murdock's hand away from the wound.

"I've got the leprechaun's luck." Murdock said grinning.

"He needs a doctor." Amy was saying, looking at the team. Murdock was bleeding. Hannibal had killed someone. How had this happened?

"What happened?" Hannibal turned to look at them, a blank expression on his face.

"Fool stepped in front of the bullet." BA growled.

"You okay Hannibal?" Face asked. He'd let this happen. If he hadn't lost control this wouldn't have happened. Murdock had stood in front of him. Stopped him from taking the bullet.

"Fine. We need to get Murdock to a hospital."

"What 'bout this place, Colonel?" Murdock was growing steadily paler. He was losing a lot of blood.

Hannibal stood, thinking for a moment. He was stuck on autopilot right now. Think of a plan. A plan. That's what the team needed. They couldn't have him falling apart. The plan had failed and someone had gotten hurt. Someone had died. No autopilot. Sort this mess out first. "Face, you and Amy take Murdock to the hospital. BA you stay and help me with this."

Face gently let Murdock lean on him a little, not wanting his friend to collapse from the blood loss. Amy ran ahead, going to open the car door. Autopilot. Face had to help Murdock. He couldn't let his emotions get the best of him. Lock them up. Autopilot was the only way to do that.

Murdock was seeing black dots dancing around his vision. They looked kind of like the purple Wobblies. They weren't any good. They made his head hurt. He was vaguely aware of Face's presences. Murdock was going on autopilot, like the plane.

"I'll drive." Amy stated, helping Face get Murdock into the seat. She'd never expected Hannibal's plan to go so drastically wrong. How had it gone so wrong? Amy didn't understand it. But she couldn't dwell on it. She had to get Murdock help. Then they'd sort out this mess. Stay on autopilot and get Murdock to a hospital.

"Go get all of the orderlies and lock them in a room." BA heard Hannibal say as the Colonel was rummaging through papers. Stuck on autopilot, BA left the room to gather them up. The fool had gotten himself shot. They were all fools though. Fool's for thinking this plan was going to work. It was a stupid plan. They'd all known it. But none of them had stopped it. Fools. All of them. Even him. Fools.

**LINE BREAK**

"How you doing?" Amy asked, sitting on the chair next to Murdock's. Hannibal and Face were staying unusually quiet, leaving it to her to make conversation.

"Loopy." Murdock replied, giving her a grin. He was fin. The Doctor said nothing was nicked so all they had to do wait until the shoulder healed.

Hannibal had called the police, telling them what had happened. Giving them all the information they needed. He knew they had to get out. Sure they'd be shutting down the ward but the fact still remained. Dr Criss was dead. It didn't matter that he deserved it. He was dead. BA and he had gotten rid of as much evidence as they could. Hopefully they wouldn't make the connection. But still. They needed to get out of here. Lie low for a while. Sort out all of this.

"You better be fool. We need to be on the road by tomorrow." BA said, trying to sound threatening but it was obvious that the big guy wasn't in it.

"Only if they don't notice that Imma crazy fool." Murdock said, imitating BA's voice, expecting a smile to escape Face and Hannibal. It didn't. Hannibal seemed to be in a world of his own and Face wasn't even pretending he wasn't listening. Both of them were out of it.

The team spent the night in Murdock's room. Amy was chatting with the crazy fool and BA was telling them to shut up. Hannibal joined in the conversation a little while later, going back to how he always was. Face didn't though. He sat in the corner, looking guilty. They knew he was blaming himself but no one wanted to broach the subject.

Face was re-building the walls around him. There would be no getting through to him. They needed privacy to do that. Something they wouldn't get here. No they would have to wait.

**LINE BREAK**

"Don't get the cast wet." The Doctor stated as he was signing paper's for Murdock's release. The pilot had a cast on with a sling. That was going to be hard to explain to the VA doctors.

"We'll keep him away from any water." Face said. The mask was back up. He was taking control again and consequently was joining in with the conversation. Playing his part. Not really there though.

"But what if Billy wants to play?"

"There ain't no dog fool." BA said, angrily.

"Hey, maybe BA can play with him for me" Murdock meant it to aggravate BA.

"I ain't playin' with no invisible dog fool." BA said.

They all noticed though. The play between the two was for show. To keep things looking as normal as possible. BA was too worried about them to really be angry with Murdock. But normality was the best thing for them. Keep their minds off of things.

The drive to the house was a silent one. No one wanted to talk. No one knew what to say.

**Right I do not like this chapter and I know it is very short. However, there is absolutely no way to make it better and no way to make it longer. This is a filler chapter and the next chapter should be better and a lot longer, in theory. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry took so long but it was actually really hard to think of an ending for this. **

Face sat on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window at the sea. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't the memories have just stayed down? Hannibal's plan might not have been the best but at least it would have worked. At least then Hannibal wouldn't have killed someone and Murdock wouldn't have been shot.

It wasn't a serious injury. They'd all had worse. But still. That face didn't matter. The fact that it was Face's fault mattered. The fact that Murdock had been hurt because of him was making the guilt build upwards.

And Hannibal. The Colonel would look after himself. He would be fine. But they'd all promised. Promised not to kill another human being after Nam. And Hannibal had. He'd done it again because of Face. Because he couldn't keep his damned emotions buried.

Guilt. Guilt was the only emotion he felt now. Murdock had been shot because of him. Hannibal had killed someone because of him. Amy couldn't look at him anymore because of what he had done. BA felt the need to tip toe around him because of what he had done. Guilt. This wasn't fair on his friends. No. Maybe he should just leave. It would be so much easier. At least then they'd be able to get back to normal. No more watching him to wait until he snapped. Leave. Yes, he may not want to but he had to. For their sakes.

He didn't know what he packed; only that he did. Grabbing the keys to his vette Face headed down the stairs, hoping no one would notice he'd gone. In one part of his head, Face was happy when he entered the garage to find BA working under the van.

"What you doin'?" BA asked.

"Going for a drive." Face answered, hoping against hope that BA would leave it at that.

"Where'd you get that fool idea from?"

"Just need to clear my head is all."

"Then walk. Car stays put." Face felt anger rise to the surface but the guilt made it so Face wouldn't show his friends his anger. Something about what had happened had just left him sort of…defeated.

"Sure. I'll be back…later." Face muttered before heading out of the door. He thought he heard BA grunt but he didn't pay it any mind. He needed the hell out of here.

Hannibal had talked at him for a while when they finally got back to the house. Face never heard any of it. His mind had seemed to just shut down, not caring anymore. He hated this. Hated feeling weak. Hated losing control. If he got away from them Face knew he could get his emotions back under control. The problem was that the team knew everything. Private memories that should never have come to light had effected how Face felt in the team. He was the sane one. The one that made sure Hannibal didn't go too far off into the jazz and got them all killed. Played along with Murdock and listened when the pilot needed someone to listen. Hell he even helped BA out when he had problems with the child centre funds. He helped them. He didn't need help. That was him. But now...now things had changed. And not for the better.

**LINE BREAK**

"Hey, where's Face?" Murdock asked as he walked down the stairs after coming from Face's empty bedroom.

"Said he went for a walk fool." BA answered, more sharply than necessary but they'd all been on edge lately.

"He wouldn't walk out on us, would he?" Amy's voice had a hint of worry in it. She wasn't used to this side of Face, this side of anyone on the team before.

"Sure he wouldn't Chiquita." Murdock didn't sound too sure though.

Hannibal simply sat there, smoking his cigar. "I'll take the van and see if I can't find him." Hannibal finally said, looking at BA for the car keys.

"Don't scratch it." BA growled as he threw the keys to Hannibal. No one else moved knowing that Hannibal was the only one Face would talk to right now. The kid hadn't been his usual talkative self, preferring instead to hide himself away.

When Hannibal finally found Face it was up an old piece of road which no one used anymore. Face was sat on the wall, staring into space seemingly lost in his own thoughts. "Face." Hannibal called, not wanting to start the younger man.

Face started slightly before he regained control of himself. He turned around and gave Hannibal a tired smile. "Not up to your usual standards kid." Hannibal stated, gesturing to the smile Face was showing him. "Mind if I take a seat." Face shrugged before turning back to staring.

"Talk to me."

Face turned slightly, his eyes glassy and unfocused. "There's nothing left to talk about."

"There is." When Face looked at Hannibal expectantly the Colonel continued. "What's wrong?"

"You know what." Face snapped.

"It wasn't you fault." Face laughed harshly.

"Wasn't my fault. Hannibal it was my fault. Murdock was shot because of me. You killed because of me." Hannibal only shook his head.

"Want to tell me how that's your fault?"

"Because he was aiming the gun at me. Because if I hadn't lost it you wouldn't have had to kill him."

"It was my choice to do that. It was Murdock choice to take that bullet. None of it was your fault so stop blaming yourself." Hannibal was at a loss of what to do here and Face could tell. The team were close but they didn't usually have to talk about their feelings.

"I lost it Hannibal. If I hadn't none of that would have happened."

"You can't know that." Hesitantly Hannibal put an arm around Face's shoulder, half expecting the younger man to shake him off. When he didn't Hannibal decided to push his luck a bit further. "What happened happened. It doesn't matter anymore whose fault it was. But it wasn't your fault so stop blaming yourself. No why don't you tell me why you're out here." Hannibal already knew the answer to that though.

"Leaving."

"Why?"

Face looked at Hannibal with a look on his face as if to say are you serious. "All of this is my fault. I can't...I can't let myself lose control like that again."

"What's so bad about losing control Face? We all do it. Hell, why do you think BA's so good at beating people up. Why do you think Murdock acts the way he does. And do you honestly think the jazz is always there." Face shook his head. "We all lose control at some point. You just have a tendency to not let your emotions out until you…"

"Explode." The pair let out a small smile and laughed. "When did you start psychoanalysing us, though that was Murdock's gig." Hannibal grinned at Face, taking a cigar out and lighting it.

"Still gonna run out on us." Face only shook his head.

"It was a stupid idea anyway, I wouldn't have gotten far."

"No. We'd have found you before you even got 10 miles." Hannibal said, grinning as Face let out a small laugh. Some of the tension had started to evaporate from the air. "You're gonna be fine kid and if you aren't we're here to help." Face smiled gratefully at Hannibal before turning back to looking ahead of him.

"Thanks." Face said because he was. Thankful for everything that the team had done for him over the years. Thankful they'd stayed and he knew they'd help him just like he'd help them when they needed it.

**Starting to see a recurring pattern with the endings of my fics. Hope you enjoyed so please review. **


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